I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
