I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
