i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
