I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
