Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize