are you still at the devil's house?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
