Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
