I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
