From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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