It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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