I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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