I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I FOUND THE LEGS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
