her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
