winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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