Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
