Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
