thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
