she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
