he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
