she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
please don't ironically join a cult
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