she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
