i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
