I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize