woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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