What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
