fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
