I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
