i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
