She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
