The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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