He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do herpes really smell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
bring money and cleavage
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
