I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
