Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
