dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
