ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
