I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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