from now on my penis is your penis
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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