WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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