Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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