I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
