im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
