Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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