Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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