i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
