I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
