he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
