She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
