If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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