Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This couple is walking their pig around campus
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
