I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
