I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
