I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize