On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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