You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
