When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
