Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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