With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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