Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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