great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like eating out sand paper
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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