Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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