So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
