Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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