Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
