Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize