When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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