thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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