Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
