Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
please come you make the beer taste better
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
