I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
