i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
