Where did you get a picture of my penis
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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