No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
