: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
