Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
