her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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