I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
