God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
