I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
