I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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