grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
