What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize