Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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