So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
