Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
