Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
