It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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