I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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