I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
