Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
