i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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