I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
