i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
